Obsessed with love

Whenever I meet up with the people that I don't see every day, especially if they are older than me, I am posed the same question. Do you have a boyfriend? How are boys? Any sympathy? And every time, again and again, I simply answer no, I don't. Nothing much more I can add to that, is there? And then, the worst question that can follow is: »Why don't you have a boyfriend?« Well, simply because I am not in love with anyone at the moment, and that does not necessarily mean I am picky. What, is having a boyfriend an obligation now? With all those repeated questions everywhere, by everyone, I often feel like it is and that I am weird for not having one, that there’s something wrong with me. Is it a social obligation for girls my age to have a boyfriend, in the same way that in many countries they should be married and have at least one child by my age?

Our society is full of all kinds of romantic love stories, from Romeo and Juliet to all the Hollywood and especially Disney princess films, and everything in between. We also all seem to have these expectations of a prince on a white horse finding us and loving us forever after. And we are waiting, and waiting for that prince since the early teenage years on, and we see other people finding them. But I am still alone. What is wrong with me? And so, we focus all our aspirations on finding that prince, and longing for him, and longing for all the love and happiness he will give us. I say that’s bullshit.

No one will magically make you live in bliss forever after. Every single individual is in essence responsible and controls his own happiness and that burden cannot be put on anyone else. Of course, other people might help and support us, make us feel loved, but if one doesn’t love himself, all that love from other people is lost in vain. I am not saying we should be narcissists, in love with our perfectness, but we should love ourselves, with all our mistakes, more than we love anyone else. No one else can save us.

So when you’re single and you feel unhappy because of it, there are two things you can do. Firstly, you can go and find someone to have some kind of relationship with – obviously it is unlikely to last long term as it is not based on love. This would satisfy all the boyfriend questions and in this way make you feel normal, as well as give you at least some tenderness and feelings of love. The other option is harder. It means going against the flow and saying: I don’t care what you think, but I am happy also if I am alone and I don’t need the confirmation of another person to believe in myself and love myself.

There’s so much happiness also possible without having a boyfriend. Some people of course prefer to be single just for the possibility of being more promiscuous and with less responsibilities to anyone, but I don’t mean that here. There’s so much more to life than just being in love with someone. Reaching your personal goals can also be deeply satisfying, getting recognition for your work, succeeding in any area you choose. Or just exploring the world around, travelling, meeting different people. Love, although in a slightly different form, can also be received through seeing our friends and family.

Yes, of course having a partner and being in love is great, but it is not the sole thing that creates our happiness and perhaps we should start putting more emphasis on those other things as well. Giving up our lives for love and craving just for it doesn’t help anyone, the least of all ourselves. Happiness without love is easy to achieve and equally great.